i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fuck appropriateness.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
