Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
