Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sorry about my life...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
