No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
