Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
