I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
