need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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