with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
