Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
