im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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