3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
