I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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