Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
