my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
