So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
