I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
