Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
