Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize