I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
