You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
