This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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