In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
