yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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