Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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