the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
