is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
