I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
