Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
