on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
