I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
