So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
