Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize