Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's never too late to be topless.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had to cum in my sink.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
