I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
