i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i think i just lost a toe
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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