just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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