You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
