when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
