He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
