Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
