I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
