Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
