puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't deserve a penis
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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