3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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