Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
