dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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