I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
