Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Pappa wants mamma naked
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize