You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How does one acquire holy water?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
