Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
