Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He shit in the fireplace
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
