My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
