Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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