Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
