Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
