Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
