i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize