I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
