By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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