I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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