so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
