my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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