dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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