singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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