This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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