Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
