Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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