Duck Duck Cougar?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
