I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
