His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
