I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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