I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
