Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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