i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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