I accidentally burped into my bong.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
